Category Archives: love

How To Disarm The Other Woman

While I can’t imagine myself sharing another woman’s husband, knowingly, there are a lot of women out there who claim they prefer to travel the “back roads” that a cheating relationship usually takes them on. I Know you can’t stop a man from cheating, if that’s what he wants to do, but to all the wives and “legal” girlfriends who are trying to make their relationships work, there are certain things that you can do to disarm the other woman’s appeal:

1) Keep yourself and your house looking and smelling good. You don’t know what pleasant looks and sultry aromas your man is encountering out there on a daily basis (at work or in the clubs).
2) Be “present” in the relationship. When he’s home, laugh with him, talk to him, play a game of cards with him. Sit beside him on the sofa, and share a cocktail him. That’s what she does.
3) Give him space. Don’t forsake getting together with your “girls”. Join clubs or organizations that will give you something to do, and somewhere to go. Show him attention, but don’t smother him. Let him wonder where YOU are, sometimes.
4) When your love gives you a wearable gift—even if you don’t like it—make sure you wear it when the occasion is appropriate.
5) Shop the cheap stores for pajama sets. Throw away the bottoms or tops if they look too chintzy. Outfit the more expensive looking part of the set with an appropriate, more costly counterpart. Lounge around the house in the new outfit.
6) Stock your shelves with the non-perishables that men like to eat—canned tuna, canned crab meat, canned smoked oysters, canned soup, canned beef stew, canned chicken, for quick patties, etc.
7) Learn how to cook his favorite dishes. Actually cook them. Make your house cozy and warm with with the smell of homemade food.

Banana Pie

Once, I asked a newly-wed friend at work, what made his young wife stand out. He said that when he came home and had to look for her, because she was so engrossed in something that she liked to do, and hadn’t heard him drive up, or walk through the door, she was the most appealing—as opposed to the times when she stood in the doorway waiting for his arrival, kissing and hugging him when he came home, and asking what his desire was for dinner. Of course, I didn’t say anything (he was too young to understand it, anyway) but I guessed those were the times when the hunter side in him came out. Men are hunters you know, they like to seek and find.
A good banana pie is worth finding. Years ago, my great-aunt’s neighbor and cooking friend, Miss Bently, gave this recipe to Big Mama, my great-aunt, who gave it to my grandmother, who gave it to my mother, who passed it on to me. This recipe is full of banana taste, though it’s subtle and lady-like. My mother used to say, “It’s good when a woman finds something soft and womanly to do with her hands.”

I serve most of my banana pies in a pretty dessert dish, not sliced on a pie plate; it just looks so feminine that way. When I serve something in an ornate dessert dish, people always think I’ve been in the kitchen all day.

Old-Fashioned Banana Pie

Old-Fashioned Banana Pie

For The Vanilla Wafer Crust

2-½ cups crushed vanilla wafers (about 30 wafers)
2 tablespoons light brown sugar
2 tablespoon granulated sugar
1/8 teaspoon salt
6 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
¼ teaspoon vanilla extract

For The Banana Filling:

1 cup milk
1 cup evaporated milk
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
2 large eggs
3 large egg yolks
2 tablespoons cornstarch
¾ cup granulated sugar
¼ teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3 medium-sized bananas, peeled and sliced ¼ inch thick, divided use

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

To make the crust, in a medium-sized bowl, crush the vanilla wafers. Mix the crushed wafers with the granulated sugar, brown sugar, and salt. Add the melted butter and vanilla extract. Using your hands, mix the ingredients together well, to incorporate them. Firmly press the mixture on the bottom and up the sides of a 9-inch pie plate. Place the vanilla wafer pie crust in the preheated 350-degree oven. Let it bake at 350 degrees for 8 to 10 minutes, or until the crust is lightly browned. Take the crust out of the oven and let it cool on a wire rack for about 10 minutes, or until it is cooled completely. While the crust is cooling, make the banana pie filling.
To make the filling, in a heavy saucepan, stir together the milk, evaporated milk, and butter. Stir until the butter is melted and well-incorporated into the mixture. Stir in the eggs, egg yolks, cornstarch, granulated sugar, and salt. Cook over medium-low heat, stirring constantly, and vigorously for about 10 minutes, or until the mixture just begins to softly bubble and reaches the thickness of pudding. NOTE: The mixture has to be thick enough to hold soft peaks when you lift the spoon, in order to set properly. Remove the mixture from the heat. Stir in the vanilla extract. Spoon the filling into a chilled, medium-sized bowl. Cover the bowl with plastic wrap. Make sure you press the wrap directly on top of the pudding so that it doesn’t form a “skin” on the top. Place the bowl in the refrigerator until the pudding is completely cooled.

When the pudding is completely cooled, take it out of the refrigerator. Place an even layer of sliced bananas over the bottom of the cooled crust. Spoon half of the banana pudding mixture over the bananas. Place the remaining vanilla wafers evenly over the pudding. Spread the remaining banana pudding over the wafers. Return the pie to the refrigerator and chill for about 4 hours. To really impress, spoon a dollop of home-made whipped cream with a banana slice and a vanilla wafer on top of each serving. This pie also tastes good with a meringue topping.
Makes One 9-inch banana cream pie.

Homemade Whipped Cream:

1 cup chilled heavy whipping cream
3-½ tablespoons confectioners’ sugar
1/8 teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon vanilla extract

In the bowl of a mixer fitted with a whisk attachment (you can do it by hand, using a large whisk, or in a glass or metal bowl, using a hand mixer) add the chilled whipping cream, and whip it on high, until light and fluffy peaks begin to form. Reduce the speed to medium-high. Add the confectioners’ sugar, salt, and vanilla extract. Continue to whip the cream until it reaches the consistency that you desire—some people like soft whipped cream, while others prefer a stiffer topping.
Makes about 2 cups of whipped cream.


Peanut Butter Cookies

Classic Peanut Butter Cookies

Classic Peanut Butter Cookies

Peanut Butter Cookies

I vividly remember my mother stressing these two important things: open the windows and doors, daily, no matter how hot or cold it is. She said, every house and person needs a waft of fresh air. And, that it was imperative for a woman to maintain a quiet place to rest her mind and feet. “A woman needs to nap every day,” she used to tell me. “Even if you’re not sleepy, go somewhere and raise your feet.” My mother was famous for saying that it was vital for a woman to take some time for herself. “People will work you to the bone, if you let ‘em,” she used to say.

My Aunt Mildred gave this peanut butter cookie recipe to me years ago. I have found that these delicious, classic cookies are the perfect treat to nibble on when I’m resting between my house chores, and swift to bake when I want something sweet and elegant to serve when the ladies come over to talk. I like peanut butter cookies when they’re unadorned—but I also like them when they’re dressed up with chunks of chocolate or butterscotch chips.
If the truth be told, sometimes I bake peanut butter cookies for the warm and homey aroma they release…people walk in and feel so at home; they get a whiff of the house, and right away they feel comforted. In that way, fresh, home baked peanut butter cookies also have a perfect love technique built in them. The aroma takes people back to their childhoods.
NOTE: You don’t have to put the normal, crisscross fork design in your peanut butter cookies if you don’t want to. My cousin, Michelle, says she never does. Says, for some reason, she hates that pattern. However, I do sprinkle the tops of most of my cookies with table sugar.

1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, at room temperature
1 cup smooth peanut butter
1 cup granulated sugar
1 cup firmly packed light brown sugar
2 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2-½ cups all-purpose flour
½ teaspoon baking powder
½ teaspoon baking soda
¼ teaspoon salt
Granulated sugar for rolling

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Lightly grease 2 cookie tins. Set them aside.
In a large mixing bowl, combine the butter, peanut butter, granulated sugar, and light brown sugar. Mix until the ingredients are well-combined. Add the eggs, one at a time, mixing until they are well-incorporated. Stir in the vanilla extract. In a separate bowl, whisk together the all-purpose flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Stir well. Gradually stir the flour mixture into the into the peanut butter mixture until the mixture is well–blended. Shape the dough into 1- ¼ inch balls, larger or smaller, if you prefer. Roll each ball of dough into granulated sugar. Drop the balls, 2-inches apart, onto the prepared cookie tins. Using the tines of a fork, flatten each ball with a crisscross design. Place the cookies in the 350-degree preheated oven. Bake them for 8 to 10 minutes, or until they are light brown, and the cookies are set. Take the cookies out of the oven. Let the cookies cool on the cookie sheet for about 5 minutes. Using a cookie spatula, move them to a wire rack to cool completely.

Makes 3 to 4 dozen peanut butter cookies.

How To Feed A Man

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Years ago, a boyfriend told me about a homely girl that he’d dated in the past. He said the girl was extremely unattractive, but everything that she cooked, was the best thing that he’d ever eaten. According to my then boyfriend, who, like most men, loved good food, even the ugly girl’s homemade chicken noodle soup was bowl-licking delicious. Some girls come from a long line of good cooks—it’s in their blood—and others learn how to cook when they grow up and find that it’s necessary. Even today, some women use their cooking skills to communicate what their looks can’t—they use the flavors and smells of their home cooked food to gently burrow its way to the heart of the man they desire.

If the way to a man’s heart is truly through his stomach, I would imagine that one way to stay there, is through your delicious cooking. I am a firm believer that women cook differently for their husbands or boyfriends, than they do for their children, and even themselves. Every woman who cooks regularly for a man, wants her meals to shine. Every woman wants her man to push away from her home cooked meals, smiling, satisfied, and pleasantly full.

This post isn’t meant to be a how-to-cook tutorial, I am not a professional cooking teacher. But I know for sure, that good cooking comes from a passion to cook, and feed, a love for ingredients, practice, and culinary creativity. When a woman is a good cook, she employs all of her senses to the meal—her sense of smell, of touch, her sight, her sense of hearing, and taste. Good cooks aren’t afraid to adjust their recipes; add or subtract an ingredient if the recipe they follow, calls for more, or less. Exceptional cooks are almost always the women you see in the grocery stores, who are sniffing, bouncing, feeling, and observing their ingredients before they buy them. It’s like they have this other sense that allows them to envision their meals before they cook and set them on the table. You can almost taste the delicious outcome of their meals by the way they touch and sniff and probe the ingredients first.

Cooking for a man, involves so much more than just cooking. Man-pleasing cooks are just as concerned with the visual and audible effects that surround a meal, as they are with its taste and aromatic appeal. Womanish cooks employ the right back-ground music, lay out appropriate linen, drinking glasses, and flatware, and always set a tray of his favorite condiments next to the plate. They use comfort, appropriate lighting, pretty plating, and lovely serving dishes as tools to help them uplift their servings. I have vivid memories of going to the department stores with my grandmother, to buy pretty things to display her meals—especially her cakes and pies. She used to say, “Cooking is a woman’s glory”.

I grew up around lots of seasonings and spices. My mother stocked her shelves and refrigerator with them; she said they added flavor and aroma to her meals. In fact, even today, I can open what used to be Mama’s spice cabinet, and smell a trace of the seeds, pods, and barks, that were once hers. My mother had peeves about women who only cooked with salt and pepper. She would tell me that spices and herb rubs were her greatest cooking secret. Without them, she would tell me, she couldn’t cook. “If you want your meals to shine,” she would say, “Add a pinch of this…” Or, “It’s light (or it’s dark) just like the (whatever it was) and no one will ever know that you’ve put it in. They’ll wonder what that taste is, but they’ll never be able to put their finger on it.” She used to call me into the kitchen when she was seasoning and spicing her dishes, and almost whisper her techniques to me. Mama was a bona fide cooking geisha; a bona fide seasoning guru. She would use her knowledge of soft music, texture, color, comfort, and kitchen décor, and combine it with her cooking spices and seasonings to give her meals simplicity and polish. Mama used to say, “Sometimes a woman needs to search her kitchen, before she searches her boudoir. Most men have sat with every size, in every color, but they’d be hard-pressed to say they’ve sat in front of a delicious homemade meal.”

Home cooked food tastes better than store-bought; there’s no getting around that. Most men love to eat good food. They are intrigued with a woman who knows her way around a hot stove. Plus, being applauded for your cooking shows people that you have another side; it shows a man that you possess another talent. When you know how to season your food, and stage your house so that it feels warm and inviting, most men are intuitively drawn to it; they won’t want to leave. Their instinct will tell them that this is home.

You Should…

1) Give your kitchen a man-drawing test. Discard wobbly chairs and tables and torn curtains and linens. And anything     girlishly pink.
2) Display your culinary trinkets on kitchen ceiling beams, on kitchen tables, and on counters. The idea of a woman spending time in the kitchen excites some men.
3) Hang interesting and unique food-related photos and posters on your kitchen walls. Give him something to look at while he’s eating.
4) Stock your kitchen with the things that he likes to snack on.
5) Put your most interesting cookbooks on display, between unique bookends.
6) Clean out your refrigerator. A man hates a smelly and moldy refrigerator.
7) Hide all pesticides.
8) Forget about learning to cook “gourmet”. Most men prefer simple dishes. Besides, you can give anything a fancy name and call it gourmet.
9) Learn how to cook his favorite dishes…especially the ones that take him back to childhood.
10) Distinguish your cooking with a variety of seasoning extracts, powders, herbs, and spices. Know that most men desire a woman who can cook.

A Place To Rest

Sometimes, late at night, I think I hear my mother’s footsteps in the kitchen. It’s never a menacing sound, just the soft saunter of her cooking feet, moving between the stove and the refrigerator—the sound of her spice and seasoning cabinets opening and closing, and the oven door rolling over its hinges. Actually, the sounds are warm and familiar to me; they are the cutting and whisking and sizzling sounds that constantly drifted from my mother’s kitchen whenever she was in it…if she was still here, they are the sounds that would fill her kitchen today. My mother loved her kitchen; she loved to cook and bake and make candles and incense sticks in it. Late at night, when I dream about her, she is always going in, or coming out of it. She is always wearing a pretty apron. My mother loved pretty aprons. She used to tell me that a cooking woman’s work space should be in tune with her food interests, and reflect a womanish style—in those days, the kitchens in my family were dark and mysterious and voluptuous; they belonged to the women. I distinctly remember my mother embellishing many of her cooking tools with rhinestones, adding a dollop of scented oil to her mop water, and recapping her spray bottles with feminine colors, like pink and lavender, to make her chores more enjoyable, and womanly. Mama used to tell me that the source of a woman’s house scent—her incense sticks in particular—should be covert, the smell should be soft and discreet, and whenever possible, emanate from another room.

I live in my childhood house. My mother’s spirit permeates everything in this space. I feel it in the walls, the curtains, the floors, the tables, the sofa and chairs, the books she left behind, and in my cooking. I especially “feel” her presence in the kitchen. The sounds that echo from the kitchen are reminiscent of the days when I was a little girl, watching her prepare meals. Like it was for my mother, my kitchen is my sanctuary. I’ve made myself a cozy, little nook in the place where Mama used to craft her candles and incense. When I can’t sleep late at night, I go there to read, write, or plan for the upcoming week. Mama used to say, “A woman needs a nice place to rest and think.”

I always take a serving of desert to mine. Seems like a wedge of something sweet puts me in a nice and cozy mood, and illuminates my reasoning. Like most women, I do a lot of reasoning.

Chocolate Brownie Pie

For The Chocolate Wafer Crust

1-½ cups finely ground chocolate wafer crumbs
1/3 cup unsalted butter, melted and cooled
2 tablespoons granulated sugar
1/8 teaspoon salt

For The Chocolate Brownie Pie Filling

½ cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, at room temperature, melted and cooled
½ cup granulated sugar
½ cup light brown sugar, firmly packed
1/3 cup good quality cocoa powder
1/8 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons good quality instant coffee granules
2 large eggs
½ cup all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
¾ cup pecans, coarsely chopped
Chocolate syrup, optional
Whipped cream, optional

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Lightly grease a 9-inch glass pie plate. Set the plate aside.

To make the chocolate wafer crust, in a medium-sized bowl, combine the chocolate crumbs and melted, unsalted butter. Add the granulated sugar and salt. Mix well. When the crumbs are moist and stick together when they are pressed, using the pads of your fingers, firmly and evenly press them over the bottom and up the sides of the pie plate. Place the chocolate pie crust in the 350-degree oven, and bake it for 12 to 15 minutes, or until it is golden brown, and it feels firm when you gently touch it. Take the crust out of the oven. Move it to a wire rack to cool completely. Meanwhile, prepare the brownie pie filling.

To make the chocolate brownie pie filling, in a large bowl, whisk together the melted, unsalted butter, granulated sugar, firmly packed light brown sugar, cocoa powder, salt, and instant coffee granules. Add the large eggs, one at a time, mixing until each egg is thoroughly incorporated. Stir in the all-purpose flour, stirring just until the ingredients are well mixed. Stir in the vanilla extract. Fold in the coarsely chopped pecans. Place the cooled, chocolate pie crust on a baking tin. Evenly spoon the batter into the crust. Bake the pie in the preheated, 350-degree, oven at 350 degrees for 25 to 30 minutes, or until the edges of the pie are slightly puffed, and the center is set. A wooden toothpick inserted in the center of the pie should come out with a few moist crumbs attached to it. Move the pie to a wire rack to cool completely before you serve it. If you desire, drizzle a ribbon of chocolate or spoon a dollop of whipped cream on the saucer of each serving.

Chocolate Brownie Pie

Chocolate Brownie Pie

Makes one 9-inch Chocolate Brownie pie